Weekend Randomness

The weather this weekend in Chicago reminded me why I love Chicago in the summer. The sun was shining all weekend long. There was not one ounce of humidity in the air. The nights were filled with cool breezes coming off the lake and we woke up to birds chirping.

LAKE MICHIGAN

We took a trip down memory lane. To the lakefront. The place I will always associate with my engagement, my husband, and the beginnings of our adventures that have led us to where we are. As we biked there I seriously questioned if my 30 week pregnant body would defy me. It didn't and the lakefront didn't disappoint.


I watched in awe, with tears in my eyes as my boys watched boats from the harbor enter the sparkling, shining, blue water of Lake Michigan. I stood behind them and the only thought I could clearly hear in my head which had been swirling with to do's, must do's and do now lists was don't forget this image. Etch this moment in your brain because this is what life is about.

ICE CREAM

If you talk to me you know that like mother like son, my kid hates milk. But the kid loves, ice cream. And I am not above feeding it to him EVERY SINGLE NIGHT if it means some dairy goes in his body to help those bones heal. So, for the sake of not lugging him and his weapon of a cast to Scooters or Dairy Queen every night, I decided to become an ice cream shop. Saturday night it was chocolate milkshakes. And they didn't disappoint.


HOME IMPROVEMENT
Our house is our home. We have been "working on it" since we bought it (i.e. it has been sucking money from us since we bough tit) It has become a symbol of our efforts. It has new fixtures, redesigned spaces that I will show you soon, and every modern amenity that you would or could want in a house. It also means our kid has learned the joys of Menards and Home Depot. This weekend, paint stirrers were the drum sticks and paint cans the drums. The carpet was just taking up precious space in his cart.


Happy Monday! Can you believe July is already here? That means we are less than 10 weeks away from meeting our newest addition! The to do list is back to swirling in my head...Have a great week!

Dad's Day 2011

It's hard to find someone that meets your expectations as a man. As a husband, as a friend and probably most importantly as a dad. When you grow up with a dad who doesn't have a mean bone in his body, whose sense of humor is effortless, whose patience is tireless and willingness is overwhelming you struggle to ask yourself daily if there is anyone out there that can match him quality for quality.
I think I found one...

This week I have been reminded of that more than ever. Sure, we have had some moments that neither of us are proud of. But, when you have a active toddler in a cast, sometimes his frustrations become our frustrations. But this week, he has also been our backbone. Literally and figuratively. Holding Brady as he got x-rays since pregnant mamas are not allowed in the room, carrying him everywhere since 7.5 months and a 30lb toddler don't go well together and reminding me as we dropped him off at Bright Horizons that this is harder on us than him.

So, on Father's Day, I want to wish the two best dad's I know, that I am proud to call mine, Happy Father's Day. Today is day to celebrate you... to remind both of you just how much you mean to me and him!
Thanks for letting us experience the highs and helping us to cope with the lows! We love you!

B-R-O-K-E-N and Blue

Saturday night I was sitting at the Eastside Centre in East Peoria, Illinois watching my softball team play for 3rd place in State of Illinois 4A Tournament.

We had been in Central Illinois with my team since Thursday, my parents on "Brady Duty" while I coached and Glenn traveled for work. The season was ending that night. Summer was here. Glenn was home from a rare business trip. We were going to settle in and start preparing for the arrival of our second child.

I checked my phone after the second inning and saw I missed a call from my mom. Weird I thought to myself. Maybe he is running a fever since the daycare cold refuses to quit. Or maybe she has something to ask me about food. No. Not my ma's style to call me about something that minuscule. Then I saw a text message asking me to call her. My mama's instinct kicked in and I knew, just knew, that something was wrong.

She and my dad had been watching Brady all weekend while I was coaching. They had taken him to the splash park, eaten Dairy Queen, watched Mickey Mouse and gone to the park. Honestly I am not even sure Brady knew I was gone those two afternoons. My mama and papa care for him sometimes better than I think I do. They have those instincts that you can' t teach. Brady whines when my dad leaves the room. He looks for my mom at meal time. He was safe. But I just knew something was not right.

I grabbed my phone and walked behind the grandstand and dialed the number I know by heart and dial each morning. I dialed with an urgency I couldn't place, my heart beating quicker with each breath.

"What's wrong?"
"Well, Kristi, we think Brady got hurt at the park today."
"Hurt? What do you mean? Is he upset?"
"No, not right now but he can't stand on his leg. We think he may need to go to the ER."
"What happened?"
"We aren't sure. He went down the slide with grandpa and started crying."
"I am on my way home. Pack a diaper bag with food, toys etc... and I will meet you there."
"I am so sorry sweetheart"
"Sorry? For what? You and dad didn't do anything."

I rushed back to the dugout, found my assistant athletic director explained to her Brady had been hurt and going to ER and that I needed to leave. I ran out of the Eastside Centre, literally ran if you can imagine a 28 week pregnant girl doing this, to my car.

I picked up my phone and drove, quickly but safely, back to Bloomington. For some reason, I was calm. I knew I needed to call my husband who was 120 miles away. I knew I needed to think clearly because there was a 20 month old that was going to need his mama.

My next phone call was to Glenn.
"I need you to go somewhere alone, where you can be calm, listen and hear me."
"Okay. What's up?"
"Brady got hurt at the park. My parents think he broke his leg. I am meeting them at the ER."
"Do you want me to get in the car and drive down?"
"No. Let me see what is going on when I get to the ER."

I got to the Bromenn Regional Medical Center Emergency Room in Normal, at the exact minute my parents got there. He wasn't crying. He smiled when he saw me and my dad got him out of the car. He waved and for a moment I wondered if my parents, were just overreacting.

The next hour was a blur...a quick blur. The diagnosis was spiral tibula fracture. I remember the doctor saying, "common, toddlers, easy to heal" but past I couldn't tell you what she said.

An almost 20 month old with a fracture in his leg.

I have never seen this sadness in my dad's eyes before. He felt responsible, guilty and horrible even though we didn't and still don't blame him. Accidents happen. They happen every single day. My papa...being a good grandpa and honoring my toddler's wishes rode down the slide with him and somehow in a freak accident, his tibula fractures.

After getting a temporary cast put on, we were on our way. We needed to see an orthopedic surgeon and had to wait until Wednesday so the swelling would subside. All I could think, was this is our new normal. 28 weeks pregnant and our new normal.

I was a rock until Sunday afternoon and we were driving back to Chicago. I am not sure what the trigger was but I couldn't keep it in. The tears flowed. I wasn't mad. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. I was emotional. I was hormonal. I was selfishly sad for how quickly "summer" had just changed. I was taking it worse than Brady. I spent most of the day crying. And that night, as Glenn pulled me close, after he couldn't listen to me cry as I did laundry, ate yogurt, or sat at the table, I released what I had been thinking for so long.

This is MY FAULT. This is because I am selfish. This is because I couldn't walk away from something that is my passion. If I wasn't coaching, this wouldn't have happened. If I wasn't trying to "do it all", as he reminds me so frequently when life spirals out of control our house, this wouldn't be our new normal. I am reason he his hurt. I am the reason our summer will be "different". I did this.

This week our "new normal" has been a roller coaster. Monday was okay. Not great but okay. See, when you can't burn energy you have a lot. And you don't nap. Making a pregnant mama crazy and a toddler pretty upset. Tuesday was bad. Brady was unhappy, I was unhappy and we were a puddle of tears by the time Glenn came home to rescue us. My OB appointment did not go well and I knew I was in trouble, physically and emotionally. I threw myself a pity party most of the day.

I woke up today knowing that we would get answers. We would know what life was going to be like. I knew today, I needed to buck up. My husband will tell you that "carry" to much but today I knew I needed to carry my emotions quietly. I need to be a mama.

We had our first appointment with an orthopedic surgeon at Children's Memorial. We got this shiny blue cast.
There were positives and negatives. The good news is that it will be taken off in four weeks, ironically on our wedding anniversary. Also good, is that the doctor told us Brady will not remember this and it will not impact him whatsoever going forward. More good news is that it is waterproof so he gets to take a bath and we actually have to get it wet every day. (Edit: This has been interesting. After the bath tonight we couldn't figure out how to drain it. But we knew it was not drained because Brady was leaving these little puddles wherever he sat.) The bad news is that the cast is over the knee and half way up the thigh.


He scoots. He army crawls. He still finds a way to get in to things he is not supposed to be in. Today, as I was preparing lunch I put him in front of the Wiggles on TV only to find he had scooted to the playroom and found a crayon to color our walls with. Normally, I would be pissed, but today, I was just proud. He does love the extra snuggles (so do we). He watches more TV than we would like. We are adjusting to our new normal. He has clearly adjusted better than we have.


Do we need help? Yes. My OB has made it clear that she will not allow me to care for Brady alone at the expense of our little girl. Are we going to have to get some help? Yes. And we have friends and family who are willing. Accepting it is hard.

So, our new normal is normal. It's not so bad. It's hard but it's just a curve ball in our game of life. And I think one day we will look back and laugh. As the doctor told us today, this will be something to look at in pictures years from now and laugh with him about.

Disclaimer: I tried to be objective and honest when writing this. There is a fine line between negligence and accidents. Four days later I blame NO ONE, not even myself. I want anyone who reads this to know that I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world for the amazing dad I have. I do not blame him. There is no one to blame. It was a fluke accident and it could have happened to any of us with Brady.

A Small Moment- Window With a View

“Is there a window up here where I can see him out on the playground?”

“Sure, around the corner.”

I quicken my pace out of her classroom and head to that exact set of windows desperate to see him for one moment.

I spot him instantly.

The gray Gap sweatpants and the kelly green hooded Gap sweatshirt.

He is alone.

He is running up the hill and back down.

He is fearless as he does it again.

At the bottom there is a group of kids.

He runs over to the older kids holding hands and they do not invite him in to their circle.

An outsider.

He labors back up the hill to the slide.

He wipes his nose.

He sits feet from the slide.

He scoots to the slide.

I think to myself proudly, “That is what we taught him…to sit down, be safe and scoot to the slide.”

My heart swells and tears well up in the corners of my eyes.

He learned from us.

He finally slides down and I notice she claps from afar.

He starts up the steep hill but can’t do it.

She walks over.

He smiles and she takes his hand.

He offers it willingly and she helps him up the hill that towers in front of him.

He smiles at her again.

He is adjusting.

He is going to be okay.

He has found his space and has remembered how to smile as the transition continues.

Woe is Me...No

I was going to write this huge woe is me post tonight. I was going to tell you how much having to put your kid in daycare sucks. How it makes you feel inadequate as a mom. How a piece of you dies inside each day when you drop him off and he wails because there are unfamiliar faces, spaces and routines. How much your heart literally breaks when three days in, he wakes up with a 103 fever and you know that the bubble that you have carefully built around him to protect his health is punctured and he is sick because of other kids. How much the fussing in the car can literally send me over the edge and reduce me to tears and it was only three days last week? Or how much Brady is flat out refusing to nap and struggling to go to sleep each night even though it is obvious he is exhausted.

Your proof….

We were going to ride our bikes to get lunch but three blocks in we found this.

Who wants to hear about the gritty details of how much life has changed for us in one week? No one. So, instead, I am going to tell you how much I am completely in love with my life right now. Even though we are struggling, I am feeling content with our life. Glenn and I headed out for a date Saturday night and as we were driving I asked him what we used to do on a Saturday night before kids as we watched young 20 something year olds head in to bars on Clybourn Avenue? Before he could respond, I told him I didn’t care because of now I was in love with our life.

I can’t tell you how many times I stop what I am doing , look at Glenn and say, “He’s the best. Our kid is the best”. And then I go back to doing the mundane task I am immersed in. Emulating is constant, tantrums are existent and the independence is scary.

Dad mows so I will too.

Mom waters flowers so will I.

Mom and Dad eat ice cream I will too.

I was so stressed about missing two days of work this week, but you know what happened, I got to fall in love all over again with my kid. The schedules, routines, daily tasks were out the window. We snuggled over Elmo, we watched buses, trains and trucks on Belmont, we picked rocks on our block, we swung with Starbucks and in our backyard and I just got to be a mama to a sick little boy.

My Latest Obsession....Pinterest

"Hey Grandpa Witherow...look at the cool neat trick you taught me. When I push the remote the car actually beeps. If only the neighbors appreciated it as much as you do at 7am"

My husband will tell you that I spend hours, countless hours on the web reading, researching, discovering and getting crazy ideas in my head about what meals we will cook and eat next week, how I am going to organize my closet for the summer or what I am going to do in Brady’s new big boy room.

He calls it mind numbing and a waste of time. I call it idea explosions. I see all of these great ideas, recipes and designs and think “I could totally do that”. My problem is time. So, there are a lot of instances where I have the best intentions but they don’ t get put in to action for a bit. What’s even more unfortunate, a month or year later, when I am ready to do it, I frantically search in my bookmarks, my history, and on the desktop of my computer to find what inspired my idea to cook adult macaroni and cheese, how I "have" to reorganize my closet or the bedding I just couldn't live without a month ago. Usually it ends in failure and I end up retracing my steps, calling my ma starting the conversation with “Do you remember when I told you about…” and then starting from scratch.

Enter from stage left (aka Twitter) Pinterest. I started hearing about it from people on twitter, listened to someone in my office at school talk about it, started reading about it and instantly wanted in on the action.

What is it? It’s an online bookmarking extravaganza. So, you want more details? This is what I know...

• You must get an invitation. (Leave me a comment or shoot me an email and I will send an invitation)
• Find people to follow, real-life friends, twitter friends, whoever!
  
• You create boards. Think cork board meets inspiration board.
• You pin images to the cork boards, categorizing and giving brief statements about them. (Think of the wedding planning you could do on this site… I am looking at some of you!)
• You click on the images you pin or repin and it links you back to where the image is originally from.
• Your main page streams and updates with people you are following and things that they have recently pinned. You can repin or you can comment.
• You can follow single boards of people. Let’s say you love someone’s toddler inspiration board but hate their board about Shakespeare. You simply follow the boards you want to follow of each person you follow.
• You can search something random, say kitchen organization, and you will be bombarded with images of things people have pinned and then can pin them for yourself.

Sure, you could bookmark websites, but the best part is that I have a place/space on the web where I can house all of my “stuff” and it won’t get lost. And, it goes back to the original information. I have so many new ideas and I love to see how other people think. So, hop on to pinterest. Remember, you need an invite so holler and I will send you one!

A lot of bloggers I read have written about pinterest. Here is a great post on the do's and don'ts from Suzanne who manages to have tons of her own blog items pinned by others! (She's pretty darn crafty!) If you don't believe me I think she will convince you that pinterest rocks!

And of course a blog post wouldn't be a post without a deliciously cute picture of my toddler...

My Ma

Mother’s Day

My ma.

Sure, I think about the fact that I am a mom but mostly get lost in the thoughts of what my ma means to me.

A lot of people will tell you we look alike, which is not a bad thing.

Truth be told, I am my mother in more ways than just looks. I have never wanted to be anything but my mother. I have wanted to love like her, laugh like her, think like her, live like her, have a marriage like her and ultimately be her.

We think alike. Decisions tend to take weeks to make if ever made. We second guess the decision. We analyze the decision. We change the decision once it is made.

And we like the same things: Starbucks Chai Tea Lattes, Havianas, basil, real onion rings, pretty pedicures, a good book, slippers in the winter, country music and Steak and Shake Diet Cherry Coke.

My drive each morning starts with a phone call to her. The days we don’t talk I feel like I have forgotten a critical piece to my day.

My drive each afternoon ends with a phone call to her. Some days the phone call is rushed but as long as I hear her voice, the day can end and I can handle anything.

In between the conversations, the visits, the vacations, and the packages, there are moments that hit me like a ton of bricks where I wish she was here. I wish she lived closer. I wish I saw her more. I wish our lives were threaded like a tightly weaved basket on a daily basis. And then I stop and remember they are. It’s not the miles between us, the difference in our days or the years that separate us. She is my ma, my best friend and I find myself smiling knowing that she is what makes me me.

And for that, I say thank you. I love you. Happy Mother's Day!