Friday, February 1, 2013

Big Memories in Small Moments


“Cate, can I have a kiss?”
“Uh-uh” And she shakes her head no smiling.
“Cate, can I have a hug?”
“Uh-uh” As she shakes her head no again busy with wooden blocks.
“Mommy, I can give you a kiss and a hug” he tells me.
“You can?”  I ask to make him smile.
“Yeah, I can” as he rushes to me and knocks me over to hug and kiss me.


I lay her down in her crib after her only bottle of the day. She isn't asleep but she's drowsy. I grab a blanket and cover her with it. She doesn't move but I can see in the darkness her eyes as they follow me.  I stroke her hair with my hand.  Sweeping her bangs out of her eyes and tucking the few long pieces behind her ears.  She lays there not moving and I whisper “good night, sweet girl”.  Walking away is the hardest part. I shut the door and as soon as I look at her on the monitor she has flipped to her belly for the night.


“Mommy you stay and snuggle with me?”
“Sure, buddy. For one minute”
“Okay.”
My mind races of all the things I need to do, could do, should do and then like a light switch it stops. I listen to him breathe. I feel his feet against my legs. My own eyes growing heavy with fatigue after the day that has unfolded. 
“Mommy’s gonna go bye bye buddy.”
“You stay for three more minutes please?”
“One more buddy.”
“Okay.”
I lay there keenly aware that he wants me next to him and that soon he won’t want me in his room.
“Night night buddy. I love you. To the moon”
“And back” as he finishes my sentence.I walk out and leave wondering how long he will let me keep this routine. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Wednesday {My Monday}


Normally, Wednesday is hump day. That day of the week, where you start to see the weekend in the distance and if you are like me you give yourself a pep talk reminding yourself how much you have accomplished in the week, have left to get done and how good it feels to leave school on a Friday with everything in place for Monday.

Except this week, we didn't have school Monday or Tuesday. So, here we are with it feeling like a Monday where drop offs take longer than usual, we are running late as we usually do on Monday and my to do list is just as long with less time to accomplish everything on it.  

So, I thought I would give you a good laugh, at my expense,  to start my week or get you through hump day. 

Some background information, our house has two heaters or zone heating as some people call it- a unit for our second floor and a unit for our main floor and basement. It is a luxury… I know especially since the wind chill this morning was -15 degrees. For the record, zone heat and A/C was a must on my list when we were looking for a house. 

For the past couple of weeks, I have been complaining that it is just plain cold in our upstairs.  My feet are cold when I walk across the hardwood floor; the toilet seat is cold in the middle of the night (tmi right?) and when you walk up our stairs you can just feel the air getting colder. 

The thermostat was set on a program from the previous homeowner.  We went with it because it was pretty much perfect.  But when I started complaining, Glenn would try to raise the temperature to 70, 71, 72 yet the thermostat would not go higher than 67 even if the heat ran 24 hours a day. Brrrr…. So, I was initially convinced it was our thermostat. So, I called the company four times in 24 hours and got nowhere. I did four different “fixes” and it was doing nothing but sitting on 67.  Glenn and I decided, really Glenn did, that  it was time to call a professional.  I think he was just tired of listening to me but of course it was now Sunday on a holiday weekend and the first time we had really frigid temperatures.  So, needless to say between the colds we all had which capped off seven days of ridiculous sickness in our house and the temperature upstairs I was grumpy.

Enter my mother in law.   We start to tell her our problems as we are researching companies that service our brands of heaters when she arrives on Sunday. And she asks a simple question, “Have you changed your filter?”  I look at Glenn who OF COURSE blames me and says, “She was supposed to call to have them maintenanced and didn't this fall so no.”  Of course I was.

{Yes, I was in charge of this in our old house but I didn't realize I was in charge going forward of all heat and air conditioning things.}

Glenn laughed the suggestion off but I was willing to try anything for warm night's sleep. I felt so guilty that it was cold in our upstairs while our kids slept with colds, footed pajamas and big blankets.  So, as soon as they woke up, I climbed up the ladder in our sitting room (in our master suite) up to the attic.  I saw a filter.  So, I started to remove the old one and the dust was forming a cloud in the space. I put the new one in and I maybe said a quiet prayer for this to work. 

I threw the filter away, set the thermostat to 70 and went back to playing with the kids. We left and came home and BAM 70 degrees upstairs. It worked.  Who knew? Let this be the first of many lessons in home ownership I learn the hard way. And further proof that some days I am still not convinced I am old enough to own a home.

Happy Hump Day!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Tidbits of Talk 13.3


Hello? Is anyone out there? I am guessing no, since I haven’t written in what seems like months even though it is has been a little over a week. I swear I have some good reasons and some updates so let’s get this Friday tidbits rolling shall we?

~ I got the flu. Yep, got it and no I did not get a flu shot. Did it suck? Yes. Did I start Tamiflu immediately and did it help? I think so. But it was a slow form of torture for me and for Glenn since he was single parenting as I was shivering in bed.  Prayers I did not give it to my family mkay?

~ We have a new form of anger in our house from our 16 month daughter in hitting. I don’t get it. We have never dealt with it before. We know time out is not effective at this age so we are looking for any suggestions.  We are sternly saying no when she does it but I would be lying if a) Glenn and I both haven’t been nailed at least once by her and b) it is not a tad funny coming from my tiny girl.

~ Negotiations with a three year old are tough people. I feel like everything is up for negotiation. The bath, ipad and even dinner. Oy…

~Glenn has been pressuring me to get decorating. Sunday, I spent a ton of money and came home with three chairs, a rug and we got 10 new curtains delivered. I will show you some pics soon but leave you with this link.  How cute right?

~ I joined the Fresh 20 after reading about it here. I am hoping it will inspire even more healthy dinners in my house. Anyone reading a member already?

~Cate started gymnastics on Saturday. So stinking cute…

~ Have you read this post? Do you follow her on Instagram. Her pics are amazing!

~Four days off following three days of finals at school so this weekend will be filled with couch cuddles, naps, and lots of family time which is just what the doctor ordered!

Happy Friday friends! Sorry for the lack of pictures. I am vowing to get my camera out, the real one, this wekeend. No excuses! And, yes, I promise to get back to blogging regularly! 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Cate 15 Months

{I started writing this a few days after your fifteen month day and it kept getting pushed to my drafts folder.And here I am over a month late finally publishing this post.}

Dear Cate,

Rarely do I make these letters public for everyone to read because I find myself writing deeply, purposefully and truly to you when you hit these milestones in life.  But, today I wanted to share with the world you and why I love you unconditionally.    

Fifteen months ago you completed our family.  Most people would classify you as a toddler, but I don’t. You are still my baby girl.   Maybe because I know in the depths of my heart you are my last I am trying to hang on to the baby in you just a little bit longer. Or maybe because you are so small and your features are so delicate although your hair and temperament tell a different story. 


Fifteen months later I am on a roller coaster with you either exasperated by your screaming for “ju” or so clearly amazed by your ability to follow simple directions “go get your shoes” or "throw that in the garbage"  that I am speechless.   At some point every day I catch myself staring in awe of how busy you are just doing.  Busy defines you. You never stop moving and always want to be in the middle of everything. The center of attention at all times. 


You are spunky and loud and emotional.  You love completely and hug and kiss with sound and all and your absolute favorite place to be is in your daddy’s or my arms.  You want to be in the mix and close.  You love to read books on your daddy’s lap and there is not a day that you don’t beg me to pick you up and usually I oblige.  You love to be snuggled and you snuggle back.  You let us rock you willing- resting your head on our shoulders and usually dozing to sleep the minute we rock.    

You hang on to toys and do not relent when your brother wants them.  And when he reaches, you scream.  You really let us know.  But, then you usually give it to him reminding your daddy and me just how innocent and sweet you can be.  You love your brother… man do you love him. Usually going up to his feet and saying “ticka ticka” trying to get him to laugh. Most days, he politely tells you he is not interested and to go away please. But those days when he does want to play your day is made.  

You are aggressive and stubborn. You laugh when we tell you no, you smile at us when you get what you want and shake your head yes and no with such emotion it is hard not to laugh.  Sometimes, you remind us you are still so young when we ask “Cate, do you want to jump off a cliff?” and you shake your head with emotion yes and we know that you are still so small and still needing us. 



Your entire life you have done things on your own time. We keep willing you to meet milestones when you are “supposed to” and yet you don’t. At one year no one was worried that you weren't walking but we were told that if you weren't by 15 months that was another story and an issue. And in your true form, you walked at 14.5 months. On your own time.   


I look at your daddy when you are being you and I tell him he is your daughter.  But, really Cate, fifteen months later, you are mine. You are me in every way, shape and form and the truth is that maybe that is why I love you fiercely yet you drive me crazy.  You are me.  I am not sure that is a good thing. Heck, it scares the hell out of me if I am being honest.  Meeting my match some would say.  I worry you got the worst of me. The bad things…the stubborn temperament, the need to be busy and the pure emotional way you respond to everything.   



You wore your first dress this month complete with tights. And your brother kept asking how you put them on and why you were wearing them.  And I was lost in my own thoughts seeing leotards and ballet flats, homecoming dresses and wedding dresses. You dressed up and you were beautiful…and you are mine.

And then I think about you and how much I want you to stay young, be little and keep your innocence as long as you can.  And I tell you with raw honesty that you growing up scares the hell out of me because the world little girl has changed so much. So much that some days I don't think I am equipped to guide you or your brother through it.  The innocence that I grew up with is gone somehow.  We live in a world where technology and violence dominate the news and yet I want you to know none of it.  I want your worries to be my responsibility so that you can be carefree.   Run with your shoes off, try to something new without fear of failure and live.  Just live with innocence, explore with recklessness and le me guide you as you navigate life.

I love you baby girl.  Stay young and innocent a bit longer okay?
Love,
Mama

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012 to 2013


I don’t do resolutions. I don’t do words. At least I don’t think I do. I have unplugged form this space since before Christmas. Unintentional as it was, it felt really good.   I didn't turn my computer on until yesterday.  I have been present with my family being a mom and just enjoying the small moments that have made for really good memories of this Christmas season.  

And I went back to the post I wrote at the beginning of 2012 and realized that was one of my goals.  I don’t think I did it every day but I tried to be present and available with my kids.  And I am pleased that in the hustle of the holidays, I was able to be present more than I have been most of the year.   Not worried about pictures or words, just being present with my husband and kids as we celebrated the magic that makes Christmas so special with littles.  

If I had to give a word reflectively to 2012, it would be change. We had so many changes in our house literally and figuratively. If you read this blog regularly, then you know about all those changes to things like childcare, houses, cars, commutes and routines. 

I’d like to believe that change is healthy for and individual and a family.  I actually think that when change occurs we become our best selves.  We rise to challenges that we haven’t faced before and we embrace it with everything we have in our tanks. It what ends up defining us, redefining us and fueling our tanks so when the next challenge comes we are ready to meet it head on.  

But, I am ready for the change to stop. I am ready to slow down. I am ready to settle in. I am ready to watch my kids grow this year.  I am ready to foster the things that have been on the back burner for the past few years- my health, spirituality and my marriage.

I have a lot of posts to write to catch you up on Christmas, Cate’s 15 month letter and even the Project 52 I am attempting to participate in. But, today, I leave you with this.

via

 "Today is the first page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." 
-Brad Paisley

Let's do this 2013. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Saturday {Making Memories}


I wrote a calendar out for the month of December with all of the blog posts that I wanted to write and I have veered off schedule. This blog was pretty quiet last week as a result of the usual family stuff…icky illnesses, busy schedules and just time. 

This weekend was supposed to be full of friends but Cate succumbed to pneumonia after three trips to the pediatrician and five weeks of a cough and congesting so we collectively decided that getting together was not the best idea.

{Edit: Since writing this we also have a confirmed diagnosis for Cate of pertussis (whooping cough). Poor poor girl…}

 I would have loved to celebrate the season with friends, but after last weekend and the calendar of events leading up to Christmas including this weekend we settled in with no plans for Saturday.  No plans turned in to memories being made in my house and that makes me happy and renews my belief that this truly is a magical time of the year.


Growing up my mama bought my brother and me a new ornament every year.  And growing up, it was tradition to put them on the tree each year and marvel at each one as it went up.  This tradition is deeply embedded in my Christmas spirit and I have passed it on to my own family.  And this year, we let Brady pick out his own ornament at Macys.   Any guesses what he picked?


And, Cate well she got a cupcake. 

And after naps for all, we decided to venture to the city.  Since, having Brady we have visited the Lincoln Park Zoo for their Zoo Lights every year.   We question every year why we are going as the bitter wind whips in our face off the lake, we battle the horrible parking and bumper to bumper traffic to get there and then we actually enter the zoo those complaints disappear. 


The look on his face makes it worth it.  We looked at the lights, even got to see the tiger which Brady was convinced was looking for his mommy and daddy and rode the merry go round.  A zebra for Brady and a panda bear for Cate, who pet her animal the entire time.


As we walked in to daycare Monday morning, Brady exclaimed, “Ms. Adrian, I wrode the erry go round. I rode a zebra and we saw a tiger.” That, that memory from my three year old makes it worth it.  

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

All I Want For Christmas

The older I get, the less I really want or need.  Honestly, I really want for very little but being a girl, I always can come up with some things. So, here are just a few things that I would love for Christmas.  And no, ma and Glenn that doesn't mean you have to buy any of these things! These are things that I can wait for well at least most of them.  I would just love #1, #3, #4 and #5….pretty please.

1. Yoga Mat Bag- Since going to yoga, I have noticed how many people have a bag to put their mat in.  Makes sense right? I unroll it, wipe it down but after class is over it sits in the locker room as I get dressed and then gets thrown in to my car trunk until I need it again. Dirt, germs and just gross stuff is on it.   I love this one and think it would be perfect. Don’t you?

2. 50mm F1.5 lens- Since getting my Nikon and taking my Clickin Moms class, I realize that I want  this lens. But I am not sure I NEED this lens. I am thinking it is a good little incentive when I get better with my camera.   Haven’t you ever wondered how people have their subject in focus and the background blurry? Well so did I until I started looking at pictures taken with this lens. And by the way, I am still frustrated but I am going to try my best to keep learning and get my money out of the class!

3. Running Shoes- Every year, my MIL buys me a new pair of running shoes and I swear by Brooks. Specifically, I wear the Adrenaline GTS line and love them. And since I am back to working out, I think a new pair of kicks is just what the doctor ordered. Don’t you?

4. Dust Buster- I hate the crumbs, and dirt, and just stuff that is on our floors with two small kids. I hate it. I hate that we have to sweep every night. And last night, after taking off a couch cushion, I almost passed out from the amount of crumbs on the couch.  I want a quick picker upper for these little crumbs that seem to be everywhere in my house. I know that you shouldn't ask for appliances etc...but I really want one. 

5. I love cute address labels. I love sending mail. But, I am secretly jealous of those people that have a return address stamp. How cute is this one? I have to believe over time you save money if you use one of these stamps. Don't you think? 

6. Head Board- So, we need a new head board. Two moves later, our bed is bogus. It squeaks and the posts under the bed keep falling out.  I love the idea of a tufted one with no foot board because I can’t tell you how many times one of us bangs our legs on the end board. 

So, tell me what do you want for Christmas?